Winter 2006—2007

Everything's being done by computers. That's fine.
My original mood was to encourage you to drop this class.
Who the hell designed the wiring system in this room?!
This isn't supposed to make any sense, this is Philosophy.
I can't believe we're already on day 2 of the class and we're already talking about penises.
You can get really high off of these things. (holds up marker)
I cry at Bambi.
I don't want to put the fear of God into you yet.
I probably shouldn't say this, but whatever…
Don't worry, I know where the cameras are in here. After class, I take the tapes out and expose them, and myself to them.
It's amazing I even have a job. Truly amazing.
Kiss as much ass as possible.
In your life, you can lose your own life.
Remember when my face was all banged up? I was trying to fly.
God, I hate talking out of the corner of my mouth.
Fond du Lac High School? Didn't hire me. Bastards.
My goal should be to make you drop out of Engineering.
Fourthly.
Are you dying yet?
What can we put in someone's drink?
Ah—better example, hope none of you can relate to this: parole.
Hypothetically, I'm the devil.
Part of me wants to punch the author of this book.
Topic C! Oh Cruisin'!
Newborn babies can't stop themselves from sucking.
I don't know who to blame, a bunch of stupid parents or one stupid author.
Don't believe in anything I say.
There's a point to this whole story.
Someone in your family is anally fixated.
If you ever have a chance to sue McDonald's, go for it.
My wife is a female.
You're paying me not to laugh at you.
My wife beats me.
Back in the late 60's, the government was handing out free tickets to South Vietnam. I was one of the lucky ones!
If it's not love, it's the next best thing.
I don't think that anyone lives in Wyoming. I think it's a myth.
Anyone ever see the movie 1776? Terrible movie; full of bullshit.
UWM…"The School Of 2^nd chance"
Everyone's shutting down for Christmas. Well, of course, not in Iraq; terrorists never sleep.
I remember when I was in college. I remember when I went to UW Whitewater, which by the way is called the Harvard of the Midwest, our daily schedule was...That was supposed to be a joke by the way.
Nixon was very good at doing very illegal things.
They'd be able to keep tuition costs down around here if they didn't give me that huge six—figure bonus every year!
Note to self: There are lost of good [women] out there. Cruise nursing homes.
Student: What is the midterm going to be on?
Prof: Every frickin' thing in the entire world, even stuff we didn't cover.
That's gonna show up on ratemyprofessor.com: "[The prof] uses alcohol examples in class and should be fired."
I ought to be able to write 'sex' on any handout of mine, maybe illustrations, too.
'Fun'! This could be kind of foreign around here.
If I don't make it in this school, I could always try comedy.
I burned all my leisure suits.
Maybe [MSOE] is a mental institution.
I hope I don't mess your heads up.
I'm bad with my Muppets. What's that one called? Zoe? Cloey? God, she's annoying—I want to smack her.
It's not about his penis.
You math weirdos will like this.
Half of my students have attention deficit disorder.
This is going to depress some of you.
Don't quote me.
I wanna go home.
You might want to smack your kid one day.
This kid was such a jerk. The thing was he only had one arm.
Where was I going with that? Nowhere.
How can I say this without sounding like a pig? Too late?
I will never try heroin. If you put a gun to my head…Well, in that case…
I've become a huge pain in the ass.
I'm thinking of Yoda again—his sex life.
Combine your deepest, darkest secret with some sort of perverted sexual innuendo, and you've got romance.
My parents just went on a trip to Mexico, and in the pictures they sent back I said to myself, "Yep, he just got some."
You're all stupid.
Please don't kill me today.
If you're about to have an aneurism, walk—don't run—to the nearest cardiologist.
Drink a whole lot of alcohol.
The Energizer Bunny—That's sex in a 16-year-old.
Some of my best friends are drunks.
How many of you have a favorite chainsaw?
I can induce narcolepsy in most students in about 15 minutes.
The only bad thing about methamphetamine is that it can kill you.