The Epitome Of Soulless Music
I remember back in high school, hanging out in the shitty computer lab that was procured to us, seeing vast amounts of brain-dead zombies going to the 103.7 KISS FM website. Being naturally curious since then as to how these creatures were still able to maintain bodily functions, I will attempt to analyze the heroin-like addiction that this site and station inject. Please note that during the analysis of this site, I almost needed to bash my skull through my computer monitor in order to make the soul-sucking spiritual vacuum release its grip.
figure 1: the site in question
The instant I clicked, I was sent to a paranormal universe of flashy advertisements and shameless self-promotion of the radio station. After the initial shock, I began to comprehend how many souls Satan had received through this reliquary of absolutely null and void. After pasting a static screenshot into Photoshop to stop the flashing words and pictures that will surely give me a seizure, I begin picking apart what makes this machine run. Could it be that the general populous likes all of these flashy things; something like an electronic Las Vegas? Is it the 25 mentions of KISS in all caps? Is it the friendly face of one of Satan's nephews, aka "B-DUB", that pulls fresh meat into this grinder? I can formulate no answer. Hm, maybe the page source will reveal something. The META apparently contains items such as, "milwaukee, kiss milwaukee, wxss milwaukee, contemporary hits radio, 103.7, wxss, kiss, contemporary hits music, 103.7 fm, contemporary hits radio, radio, radio stations, milwaukee radio, milwaukee stations, milwaukee music, milwaukee concerts". Contemporary hits? When I hear that, I think of Calvin Owens or something, not some shithead named "50 Cent". And since when does this fucking radio station have the precedence to have phrases like "milwaukee radio" and "milwaukee music" for search engines to grab? Last time I checked, there was a whole range of radio frequencies for one to choose from on the FM band. I also like all of the advertisements that are deceptively snuck into the site. I see two and a half. Wasn't there a time when the point of a radio station was to play music and not to rape the shallow minds and pockets of a gullible young audience?
Well, maybe I'll never know how this machine works; maybe those corporate tools that have the ability to manipulate the puddle-like architecture of around half of the teen and pre-teen populous' minds are just too much for me to comprehend using my feeble non-Satan-powered brain. At least I have more sense than listen bullshit music like this. I've redesigned the site's front page so that it more aquaints to the listener's minds:
figure 2: the redesigned front page